Bureaucracy gone mad?
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand
or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday
night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out
since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to
remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working
for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am
watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep
the flaming money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all
the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health
insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on
all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being
allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral
registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters
are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the
4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my
father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed
between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and
me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you
ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals
working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want
to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary
backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of weeks' well-earned rest away
from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go back to Salisbury and get another
copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of
60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the
services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same
day? But no o o o o o, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd
rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off,
then find some clot to confirm that it's really me on the blasted picture – you
know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we... Hey,
you know why we can't smile? 'Cos we're totally hacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at
the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed
me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away
from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War
and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I
left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I
am – you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree
6 months ago...
WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen...
Although we have no means of verifying this letter it was apparently taken from a UK
passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
It's a great pity someone in authority didn't see it and do something about it. (Ed)
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Letter to the Editor
WWN received a letter recently regarding a petition for a new skateboard arena.
The writer remembered the “rampant, unhindered vandalism” which destroyed
the previous excellent skate facility, as well as our splendid Football Stadium
and the side-line shelters, plus the continuing destruction of the Football
Club building itself; he believes that our youth should have access to
all desirable sports and recreation facilities provided free by our
relatively peaceful and progressive village. But he asks “How can we
protect such facilities in the future if we decide to invest in them
once more, without local policing? Meanwhile, the 'football
building' remains empty and continues to deteriorate.”
Of course things are never quite as simple as they seem. As the Parish Council
Chairman writes in his column, when the Council first bought the Club it was
little more than a shell and an immense amount of work has been done in the
interim but we shall soon see some significant improvement.
Details of progress will be regularly posted on the website
www.wellesbournepc.org
so that people can get up-to-date information.
However, the writer went on to suggest that possibly the police could find a base
in the sports club building and this would seem to have some potential, given
the problem of vandalism in the area.
It occurs to me that some of these positive ideas could well be aired at the
Parish Council AGM on 13th March at 7.45pm in St Peter's Church.
It's your Council – why not come along and see?
Mac
While creating wives, God
promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Then He made the earth round...!!
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WALTON NEWS
Once again Christmas has come
and gone and this time, thankfully, Good King Wenceslas and his Page's
footsteps in the snow did not strike quite such a chord as they did the year
before. No fear this time of getting stuck in the Walton Hall drive and we had
a good crowd, with standing room only at the back. There wasn't a nativity
scene, with the usual dramas of dropped crooks and wonky crowns, because the
local children have graduated to doing solos and readings or playing the flute
or cello, but there were young visitors who were persuaded to go up and join in
the singing of 'Away in a Manger', while two small people had a mild flirtation
in the aisle and a little girl who behaved impeccably throughout seemed to enjoy
being in the place where her parents were married three years or so ago.
There was a good congregation
on Christmas Day with a number of visitors from Walton Hall and on 30 December
the twenty second wedding of the year took place – a good ending to 2011. New
Year's Day can be a sad time, whether or not you have a hangover, as you remember
old times and old friends, but Evensong brought new hope and inspiration, while
the Epiphany Service was distinctly uplifting with the Rector taking her cue
from the reading from Isaiah Chapter 60 which starts off so resoundingly with
the words 'Rise and Shine'. Not what one always feels like doing at nine
o'clock on a winter's morning, but I had been put in the right mood when just
before the service began I stood at the Church door looking out for latecomers
when the sun suddenly came out and lit up what had been the moment before a
dull monochrome landscape into a scene of glittering gold, with the bare
branches of the willow trees like burnished orange fingers bent over the glassy
waters of the lake, a bright frieze against the backdrop of the dark Wellingtonias.
This sudden illumination made
Isaiah's words in the reading seem very apt – 'The glory of Lebanon shall come
unto thee, the fir tree, the pine tree and the box together to beautify the
place of your sanctuary'. I have to admit that the comparison stops there as
there were no dromedaries of Midian ambling down the Walton lane to join us,
just the faithful regular congregation, with a few visitors and some of the
'new intake' of wedding couples. We hope that they, and all those whose
weddings are booked in for this year will have the happiest of days, and will
be able to say, like the bride who wrote in the Visitors Book recently – 'We
married here yesterday and it was as wonderful as I had imagined'.
And as the new year gets under
way we should say a thank you to all those who have supported us in the old
one, particularly the Lions who do so much to help everybody in Walton and
Wellesbourne and to the Parish Council who were responsible for setting up the
bright star that shone above the Church porch this Christmastide.
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